Jim was going to receive a lot of company Sunday so I didn't rest, we made him comfortable and seemed at peace, I put the Comfort quilt my yahoo group had made for him, it was warm and I could almost repeat to everyone what each block meant.
Iva spent the morning with him, talking to him about the big horns, one has a broken leg, Jim would raise an eyebrow, but too weak to speak. He journey was taking it's toll. His caregiver told me later he didn't want to leave, felt the struggle was over, his respirations had changed, much faster, but continued to look out the window at mountains he use to climb. He stayed longer while a friend came by, we had reconnected thru hospice, hadn't seen her in six years, we had a wonderful visit and knew Jim when he was well. Everyone left and I and Jim had some private moments, waiting for his sister to arrive, I read to him about his journey, that he will never be forgotten, that his body will be strong again, his pain will end. I would take care of Sidney and Bailey and Diane was coming to help me.
My friend called from the airport, they would be an hour late, please no. I continued to read and talk to Jim about How many people he has touched without him even knowing it, and he
didn't realize it, but he had fulfilled a dream, and his struggle was one of courage, when he thought of himself as being weak.
It was 7 last night and his respirations changed, slowing, God no, until at 7:10 he took his
last breath, a chapter of his life ending so peacefully, yet I was screaming and crying no, Diane is coming, I was still screaming when they opened the door five minutes later.
The next hours were unbearable, but we find our strength, he was not to leave in the dark of the night, I would keep him here until the morning, he love candles, had none with the oxygen so a hospice volunteer brought some over. Diane slept in Jim's room and I slept on the couch next to him with only the light of the candles to bath him in light.
The next morning is surreal, seeing him lying so still, his caregiver returns, the hospice nurse and the funeral director arrive. Diane and I followed them out the door as Jim left for the last time. Do you hear doves I said in a low voice, we don't have them this time of year, we all stopped to listen to this spiritual goodby, a chorus of mourning doves, they continued as Jim was placed in the hearse, and the sound and the birds followed them down the drive until there was only the sound of our crying.n
Regrets are many, but I will and have had the time to find and receive that forgiveness, his love for me at the end, reaffirmed that as my love for him did for him.
I'm okay at this moment, and for now, that is where I'm at.
I thank you all for being there for me thru this journey.