The 80's were time of working for Jim as he gained promotions in his job as I seemed to go from from job to job, finlly landed a job with the postal service so I could transfer to a job in the Colorado, Durango, a place we had visited and liked. Off I went with one cat and few belongings while Jim stayed in Texas to sell the house. I hated it, know why there is the term going postal. Back home in a short time to look for another area.
We became bird watchers, enjoyed the beach, bought a canoe to enjoy the waters and bayous around where we lived. Took a class on canoeing, by the middle of the day, we had yelled at each other over who was in charge that the instructor finally separated us and asked us not to come back. So we taught ourselves, camping in hot Texas, canoeing with the alligators, such fun.
So a big trip for a month to Montana, Canada, Washington, to find that special place. We seem to get in lots of trouble in our outings, someone forgot the spare tire in his excitement of the trip, of course we were in the backwoods of Canada when we had the first flat, strangers to the rescue. Arrested crossing the border from Canada getting back to the US because I told him he didn't have to stop in the line. Don't think I've ever been patted down before. We loved Montana and later took a winter trip to Yellowstone and found our place. Back home, I decided I wanted to return to the medical field, would be able to work anywhere and went back to school for a year while we searched for a house in Montana.
Today I thought of these thing on the drive into town to the hospital. Jim was very lucid whenever he woke up and when he did, it was like the first time he had seen me, he made me feel overwhelmed with love and sadness, and when I would remind him of these past events in our life, would laugh that I remembered all these details, like living them all over again.
He work up once and surprised me by saying how happy he was, "why", because I'm not in pain and feel at peace. And I can't tell you how much I love you. My heart aches that I let these moments escape me thes past years with the wrecks and the sickness and the stress and working. We shared our sorry of the past years, but that we were being given this unbelievable time together to find those moments we had lost as painful as this all is. I could hardly leave him today, crying all the way home. I feel sad for Jim and his family that they have chosen not to come here. I told his doctor this when he asked if I needed any help, my friends help me, strangers help me, he said for Jim's family not coming, some people can't get that close to confronting this kind of pain. I still don't understand.