The Pokeberry Quilt

The Pokeberry Quilt

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

An afternooon

Spent the afternoon with Jim after receiving the final decision that there is not a facility here in Montana that can take care of his complicated case. So looking to Cleveland Clinic in Florida where there is a neurologist who specializes in stiff man and neurological trauma.

Now,how to get him there and work out all the details, air ambulance would be the best way for him, but the price would tke your breath away. But does it matter anymore.

This afternoon I knew this is what I will do when we laid on the floor on a matress since he has fallen so much, listening to old Beatle songs, eating peanut butter sandwiches and he said I think I'm dying and don't know what I'v done to deserve this. We never do, just what life has handed us to play out. From a book I'm reading, we're learning how to bend with life's trials but we are not ready to snap. When I'm home alone, my hands tremble from the stress, with him, I'm overwhelmed with calmness, I see what I must be and do for him, he doesn't see his own strengths. I'm overwhelmed when he can still make me laugh, wanting a brownie from Schwan's with ice cream, "don't tease me now", after saying I will bring one tomorrow. So hard to leave him. Now I wish I had spent more time with him, but life catches us off guard. From the same author, but another book, what would you say to your loved one if you were given just one more day together. How I wished he knew how much I loved him despite our own emotional pains. I told him that today, just in case.

6 comments:

  1. laurencetd3:47 AM

    je le remercierais de m'avoir fait connaitre l'Amour, le véritable amour...

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  2. You're so right Nancy - you never know what you have until it's no longer there - I shall hold my Nigel harder and longer than ever tonight - life is so precious and can be gone in a split second - take great care both of you and I hope a solution for care for you both becomes easily apparent

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  3. Nancy - I'm not sure what I should say. I do know that if I could find a way, I'd help you find the money you need to take Jim to FL. Really, the quilting world is a generous one. Please let us know, specifically, what you need. I'm hopeful that our quilting fellowship will rally and take care of you and your sweet, sweet husband. In any case, know that there is a whole group out here who thinks about you and wishes to help, in any way that we possibly can.

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  4. You asked what would you do and this is what I did. Everyone is different and deal with things differently.

    I would talk about how we met and fell in love. I would let the person know that I would miss them but that if they passed I would be sad but able to carry on. They need to know that. I would let them know that they would always be in my heart and that they would never really leave me because they would live on in memories and our children. I would thank them for loving me all these years. I would listen and talk about whatever they wanted to. I would listen to their fears and encourage them not to hold back anything. This is the time to comfort each other and for total honesty between you both about what is happening. Neither one of you have to be strong all the time. It is alright for either of you to cry. Tell them to fight but if they can't anymore it is okay to let go. I would bring up funny things that happened that made us laugh. Talk about the first steps your children took, the first day of school, your first appt. or house you shared. Vacations you took. Read him the newspaper and keep him in touch with what's going on in the world outside of his bed. Tell him about his beloved cats and the elk and bears outside. Hold his hand and just be there. That is what he wants. He also wants to know that you are taking care of yourself. It is important to him to know you are okay.

    Someone told me Where there is life there is hope. Tell that to Jim. That helped me beyond words. I took each day one at a time and was filled with graditute for each day we shared as each day was a gift. Do not dwell on things you think you should have done dwell on the happy times you shared. Jim, wonders what he did to deserve this. Tell him nothing that he is a wonderful man and life can be so unfair.

    I pray everyday for you and Jim's recovery. I understand how hard this is for both of you.

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  5. We're here---that's cold comfort, so to speak, but we are here, sending love.

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